We’re in the meat of the college football season here in the South and every Thurs/Fri the trash talking fires up among real diehard fans.  For those of you either not fortunate enough to live “down here” or are novices at true college football madness here’s a quick blog post to get you the insider scoop.

1) Any team that can’t help your team — this week — by kicking your enemy’s ass is fair game to trash or ignore.

2) Just because you wanted a particular team to win one week doesn’t mean they aren’t worthless pieces of shit every other week.

3) It’s perfectly fine to say your own team is a bunch of bums if they are playing like a bunch of bums.

4) Some teams suck all the time (e.g., Notre Dame or Ohio State) and you always want them to lose — every game every week.

5) Some teams only suck when you need them to beat somebody you hate (e.g, Wisconsin, Ga Tech) and they NEVER EVER do.

6) West Coast teams don’t matter — you don’t necessarily lose points by liking them but we collectively assume your own team sucks and you’re just ducking reality to avoid discussing it. PS — goofy colored fields don’t help them either.

7) Mediocre teams are well tolerated (e.g., Gators, Dawgs) but fans of mediocre teams that think these same teams are great and not mediocre are usually subjected to continual ridicule for being delusional.

8) Teams with knucklehead coaches (e.g., Michigan, Louisville, every LSU coach ever) are always poised for stupidness so their potential greatness is discounted.

9) If you need to be worried about winning playing teams that get occasional big wins but don’t every seem scary (e.g., ECU, Duke, Kentucky) then your team isn’t very good and you really need to fear everybody every week.

10) If your team loses to smurfs (e.g., Temple, Syracuse, Vanderbilt) it’s a 10 year stink and you can’t reset the clock just by starting a new season.

10) We all assume Bama will start the season ranked #1 because it’s really a pro team.  No one likes Bama except Bama fans and they’re genetically incapable of hiding their allegiance so they’re easy to identify and hard to ignore.

PS:  Cheering for some team to lose is often as important and fun as cheering for some team to win.

PPS:  Nobody looks good in Orange.

PPPS:  Great places to tailgate are unrelated to team performance (e.g., Oxford, Blacksburg) and always fun.

Let the trash talk begin.  Go Hokies.  Cheers.  DC